I always post when I feel I have nothing to say ... then I end up rambling on and on ... I like my trends. Also I find myself not posting when the feeling strikes because I feel ... meh ... I got nothin ... but really I always have nothing ... so here's a bit of my nothing.
Dude, nursing school this semester is kicking my ass ... and really I don't feel that way until I take an exam ... then get the less than copacetic grade back. Unreal ... two grades in my theory class have been under 80% which ... well you need an 80 to pass the class ... oh and not to motion ... I must not be catching the concepts of what we're covering. grrrr .... Pharmocology is going a bit better but still, that's a hard class there too ... LOTS to memorize ... I feel my short term memory is slipping ... can I get some traction on that!
Kids are great :) Thank god for that right ... they are happy, and are now ... once again ... healthy, we all had the respiratory nose/throat thing run it's course, it's always scary though when it hits my father, he has COPD and has diabetes and has had a partial thiroidectomy so ... yeah I worry when he gets ill. Lots of complications because of the meds he's on. Course now the more I know because of my pharm class ... the more I worry. This is what happens though as you get older ... suddenly you worry more about your parents than they are currently worried about you.
Work is mmmeh! I wish to not discuss ... I've also made all steps to get my LNA for the in which I live, also hoping to get a reciprocity for the state that is just south of me to further my chances of employment in the medical field. I need all the experience I can get, now is the time for a pay cut if there ever was one. ugh ...
Boys... yeah ... boys are just not something that interest me at all ... oh don't get me wrong ... chicks don't interest me either LOL I'm just all set with boys ... and yea sure ... you could say well Meg ... you could always try a MAN instead of a BOY but really I'm not sure MEN are a thing of reality ... only to be read about in books or seen on movies as things of fiction ... or non-fiction past. Bitter? Jilted? Jaded? Maybe ... but guys just don't even appeal to me ... I was approached, on more than one occasion and I felt a wave of annoyance wash over me ... I've literally NEVER felt this way before ... I've always been, while single of course, pretty willing and open to chat with a cute guy but wow ... there is nothing in me that is even remotely interested right now and I am totally happy with this ... I honestly was wondering when this time in my life would hit. I've heard other women speak of it, I've read about it, I am so happy to be there with it.
And a final note ... I just want to put out there into the universe and to those who may see this blog ... pray for Maggie Agnew's family. I'm not quite so savvy as to link a blog here but I read her mothers blog, Maggie had succumbed to her mito disease ... I don't know her personally but had fallen in love with that little girl and her loving family through the blog. God bless you and yours Maggie.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Another wicked storm
Seriously?!?!?! More snow ... yup ... more snow and then we'll have ice on top :) Why not hu?
Today is the first day back at school for me though and they've not yet cancelled classes. What the duce!!! Seriously, it's yucky snowy out, they cancelled the city schools, the community college BUT NOOOooooo not the private college (not yet anyway). Alright, enough beeeching.
So news ... news ... news. Well the ladies are great, R is just about to lose her first tooth (yup at 6.5 yrs old, that first lil sucker is hangin by a thread). M is just as cute and noodgy as ever. She's great at it though. Oh man did you see that Pats game this past weekend, dude, seriously! They weren't at their best that's for sure. But the time spent at the families house was good times, so that made it worth it. I wont (shan't and can't) go into it here, but WOW my ex-hus is pulling some shady behaviors and ... it's just sad what some people can do, are all people born with a soul? Seriously!
So, I broke up with my BF. Things were coming to a head for me, it's honestly the quietest "coming to a head" but still ... it was there. He is an alcoholic. I asked him in the beginning of our relationship if he had any tendancies toward being an alcoholic and he said no. Wow, nice hu? I ask for complete honesty then he says ... well I don't know. Seriously?!?!? I should have known I suppose, but then again I really don't like to live in "shoulda coulda woulda" ... so I wont. It was a tough decision but better for me. I feel a sense of reliefe. A sense of empowerment really. I am pleased with myself also to successfully remove myself from a potentialy horrible situation while still remaining in good communication with him. He is a fabulous man and has tons of awesome qualities and my girls really enjoy his company and I really love him and his family. Who knows what will happen ... I don't believe that he will fully ever be free of his disease and his demons ... so I really dont' think we'll ever be in a relationship again but to know him and his family is a blessing I feel. Seriously, they rock!
Okay, that's it ... just felt like brain dumping ... and it's a little slow here so ... I had time ya know :)
Today is the first day back at school for me though and they've not yet cancelled classes. What the duce!!! Seriously, it's yucky snowy out, they cancelled the city schools, the community college BUT NOOOooooo not the private college (not yet anyway). Alright, enough beeeching.
So news ... news ... news. Well the ladies are great, R is just about to lose her first tooth (yup at 6.5 yrs old, that first lil sucker is hangin by a thread). M is just as cute and noodgy as ever. She's great at it though. Oh man did you see that Pats game this past weekend, dude, seriously! They weren't at their best that's for sure. But the time spent at the families house was good times, so that made it worth it. I wont (shan't and can't) go into it here, but WOW my ex-hus is pulling some shady behaviors and ... it's just sad what some people can do, are all people born with a soul? Seriously!
So, I broke up with my BF. Things were coming to a head for me, it's honestly the quietest "coming to a head" but still ... it was there. He is an alcoholic. I asked him in the beginning of our relationship if he had any tendancies toward being an alcoholic and he said no. Wow, nice hu? I ask for complete honesty then he says ... well I don't know. Seriously?!?!? I should have known I suppose, but then again I really don't like to live in "shoulda coulda woulda" ... so I wont. It was a tough decision but better for me. I feel a sense of reliefe. A sense of empowerment really. I am pleased with myself also to successfully remove myself from a potentialy horrible situation while still remaining in good communication with him. He is a fabulous man and has tons of awesome qualities and my girls really enjoy his company and I really love him and his family. Who knows what will happen ... I don't believe that he will fully ever be free of his disease and his demons ... so I really dont' think we'll ever be in a relationship again but to know him and his family is a blessing I feel. Seriously, they rock!
Okay, that's it ... just felt like brain dumping ... and it's a little slow here so ... I had time ya know :)
Friday, January 7, 2011
Happy with onself
I'm not even sure if I SHOULD really be posting today. I am in such a funk it's not even funny. I was 'alright' when I got to work, then the people started calling ... they were mean, demanding, using foul language ... yuck! Seriously people, it's Friday okay ... I'm sorry your orders aren't right, I'm sorry your pricing is all over the place, I'm sorry someone misdialed you out in California at 6:30 AM your time ... It wasn't me ... okay sheesh!
My Funk: I'm not even sure I can put into words exactly what it is that's frustrating me right now, I mean prior to the jerks on the phone today. R is having a hard time and I can't put my finger on what it is. She's going to the nurses office ALL the time, she's falling down a lot, she's all tired and crabby at a really early hour at night and having a hard time getting through homework. She'd been to the nurses 4 times yesterday and 3 today. I had a long talk with the school nurse and she will be talking with the guidance counselor and I also emailed her teacher for a potential meeting or just what to do, I don't want her falling behind in studies and I don't want a serious issue to be over looked. Oh there's all kinds of things rolling around in my head on this topic.
My Funk: I'm not happy with me ... I know only I can change this, and I am slowly making changes, taking steps to get back to where I want to be personally. It's tough living with my parents. I have a hard time saying NO to the junk food and they have a hard time NOT bringing it into their home. So frustrating, grrrrr! And then yes, starting next week I'll be hitting the gym again, my phys. therapist says that I can get on the bike and do strength training of course. I have to be careful not to tear the facia any further than I have in my feet. I did the math last night. If I were to steadily lose 1 to 2 lbs a week, for 52 weeks that would put me RIGHT on target ... can I do it ... well I'll be pushing for as much as I can I suppose.
My Funk: I am not happy with my relationship (with my man). He is a great person, he has TONS of WONDERFUL qualities. He is a dedicated father and hard worker. He is so patient and kind and giving of what he has. He also has issues that I'm not sure I want to deal with. He has a certifiable ex-wife and she has custody of his kids the majority of the time. She is bringing drama into my life and I resolved with my last relationship that I will not have any of that business. His children really are lovely most of the time but there is major competition and his children have a habit of hurting my daughters feelings. I will not stand for it. I don't know what to do or how to handle it. Should I break it off completely with no chance of fixing? Should I take a break? Meh! I've taken a break before ... it wasn't like a break at all. He's also an alcoholic. This is the something I don't want to deal with. I think I know my answer, it's just a matter of doing ... I don't want to hurt him. What an awful place to be. I have a wonderful man with a great deal of issues and I know that I don't want them. I feel selfish and sort of bad for feeling this way. I've always been a giver, a fixer and someone who believes that you SHOULD stay with the one you love even if they have problems. This has allowed me to be greatly damaged. I wont get into it here but good god I was damaged and I do know that I haven't fully healed. Ugh ... moving on ... cuz I am NOT fixing this one here ...
My Funk: Yeah ... I guess that's about it - R and my man and yeah ... those are my negative focus points right now ... I do feel better writing though.
Thanks for those who read/listen.
Oh side note, while I've been here writing this one of the salesmen in my company came over and told me that it was his customer that called in and screamed at me because someone called and woke her. It was he that called and woke her, some credit card issue on a license renewal. I am thankful that he had the marbles to come over and tell me. It lightened my mood a bit too.
My Funk: I'm not even sure I can put into words exactly what it is that's frustrating me right now, I mean prior to the jerks on the phone today. R is having a hard time and I can't put my finger on what it is. She's going to the nurses office ALL the time, she's falling down a lot, she's all tired and crabby at a really early hour at night and having a hard time getting through homework. She'd been to the nurses 4 times yesterday and 3 today. I had a long talk with the school nurse and she will be talking with the guidance counselor and I also emailed her teacher for a potential meeting or just what to do, I don't want her falling behind in studies and I don't want a serious issue to be over looked. Oh there's all kinds of things rolling around in my head on this topic.
My Funk: I'm not happy with me ... I know only I can change this, and I am slowly making changes, taking steps to get back to where I want to be personally. It's tough living with my parents. I have a hard time saying NO to the junk food and they have a hard time NOT bringing it into their home. So frustrating, grrrrr! And then yes, starting next week I'll be hitting the gym again, my phys. therapist says that I can get on the bike and do strength training of course. I have to be careful not to tear the facia any further than I have in my feet. I did the math last night. If I were to steadily lose 1 to 2 lbs a week, for 52 weeks that would put me RIGHT on target ... can I do it ... well I'll be pushing for as much as I can I suppose.
My Funk: I am not happy with my relationship (with my man). He is a great person, he has TONS of WONDERFUL qualities. He is a dedicated father and hard worker. He is so patient and kind and giving of what he has. He also has issues that I'm not sure I want to deal with. He has a certifiable ex-wife and she has custody of his kids the majority of the time. She is bringing drama into my life and I resolved with my last relationship that I will not have any of that business. His children really are lovely most of the time but there is major competition and his children have a habit of hurting my daughters feelings. I will not stand for it. I don't know what to do or how to handle it. Should I break it off completely with no chance of fixing? Should I take a break? Meh! I've taken a break before ... it wasn't like a break at all. He's also an alcoholic. This is the something I don't want to deal with. I think I know my answer, it's just a matter of doing ... I don't want to hurt him. What an awful place to be. I have a wonderful man with a great deal of issues and I know that I don't want them. I feel selfish and sort of bad for feeling this way. I've always been a giver, a fixer and someone who believes that you SHOULD stay with the one you love even if they have problems. This has allowed me to be greatly damaged. I wont get into it here but good god I was damaged and I do know that I haven't fully healed. Ugh ... moving on ... cuz I am NOT fixing this one here ...
My Funk: Yeah ... I guess that's about it - R and my man and yeah ... those are my negative focus points right now ... I do feel better writing though.
Thanks for those who read/listen.
Oh side note, while I've been here writing this one of the salesmen in my company came over and told me that it was his customer that called in and screamed at me because someone called and woke her. It was he that called and woke her, some credit card issue on a license renewal. I am thankful that he had the marbles to come over and tell me. It lightened my mood a bit too.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year Day
I can not believe that it's already Saturday! This means I have to go back to work on Monday. That, quit frankly, sucks! I enjoyed being home with my ladies ... and I didn't even spend that much money, I was totally frugle. I know, hard to believe. Ah well, at least I'm off from school until the 18th.
So last night I was home for new years eve, this is a first since ... wow! I think since before I was 21 at least. Even during my pregnancies I was over friends houses or something. I stayed in and tended to my sick R, she's doing great though and the only tough part is taking her antibotics. I wish there was a way to make those taste better. Today for the first day of the new year I was all diligent in my effort to stick with the WW (weight watchers). I joined up a week or so ago, the holidays are tough time to be doing this but hell, I quit smoking cold turkey back in August ... this should be doable! So sure I was great today up until I got to my sisters house. Her and her husband were having an open house type New Years day celebration with nommys and goodies and ... well really anything that comes out of that mans kitchen is "the worlds best ..." feel free to fill in the blank. So there was chili and lasagna and crab dip and harvey wallbanger cake and oh GEESUZ! Heavan in a kitchen, BUT I only went one point over for the day, so realy not that bad if you think a bout it (check me out, justifying this whole thing).
R got sick again. I don't know what it is that's making her throw up, I haven't given her the vicodin since 8 AM. It might be the anti-b. She's not hungry at all, will attempt to eat but wow ... I've not seen her eat so little since she was 4 months old. And her eyes are all drawn and surrounded by pinky tones, but it just make them look that much more green. The kids played hide and seek and I got to chill with the grown ups. This was fabulous because it doesn't happen much. We took off around 5 and the kids slept all the way home. Then we just chilled a bit, I went through M's drawers and got some size 3t's together for a friend of mine, M is growing quite a bit lately. And I feel as though I'm doing a pointless play by play here LOL
Anyway ... there's all these things I want to accomplish during the day (and night) but there's just not enough time. I also find myself putting feelings away that I believe might need to be addressed. Internal feelings about self, about love ... yeah ... about those things.
For another time I think.
So last night I was home for new years eve, this is a first since ... wow! I think since before I was 21 at least. Even during my pregnancies I was over friends houses or something. I stayed in and tended to my sick R, she's doing great though and the only tough part is taking her antibotics. I wish there was a way to make those taste better. Today for the first day of the new year I was all diligent in my effort to stick with the WW (weight watchers). I joined up a week or so ago, the holidays are tough time to be doing this but hell, I quit smoking cold turkey back in August ... this should be doable! So sure I was great today up until I got to my sisters house. Her and her husband were having an open house type New Years day celebration with nommys and goodies and ... well really anything that comes out of that mans kitchen is "the worlds best ..." feel free to fill in the blank. So there was chili and lasagna and crab dip and harvey wallbanger cake and oh GEESUZ! Heavan in a kitchen, BUT I only went one point over for the day, so realy not that bad if you think a bout it (check me out, justifying this whole thing).
R got sick again. I don't know what it is that's making her throw up, I haven't given her the vicodin since 8 AM. It might be the anti-b. She's not hungry at all, will attempt to eat but wow ... I've not seen her eat so little since she was 4 months old. And her eyes are all drawn and surrounded by pinky tones, but it just make them look that much more green. The kids played hide and seek and I got to chill with the grown ups. This was fabulous because it doesn't happen much. We took off around 5 and the kids slept all the way home. Then we just chilled a bit, I went through M's drawers and got some size 3t's together for a friend of mine, M is growing quite a bit lately. And I feel as though I'm doing a pointless play by play here LOL
Anyway ... there's all these things I want to accomplish during the day (and night) but there's just not enough time. I also find myself putting feelings away that I believe might need to be addressed. Internal feelings about self, about love ... yeah ... about those things.
For another time I think.
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