And in waiting to write I'm sure I miss things ... But to recap ...
School ended weeks ago, got decent grades, all ready to go for next semester. Christmas came and went. It was really cool, the build up to the holiday. The crafts, the decorations, the treats, the anticipation, the pics with Santa, the eve at Auntie's house and the morning with paper and bows strewn about the house and too many gifts for the kids to even know what to do with. I love it ... they loved it ... and it's time to take down that tree and regain that three feet of space in the dining room.
R had her tonsils out, as well as adenoids, on the 29th. She's sleeping soundly behind me, I will have to wake her in a bit to give her meds for pain only to have her fall back to sleep. I hope she falls back to sleep, it's almost 1AM. The other thing about all this is I do this alone, again ... tending to my kid alone. This never seems to ... like it always bugs me. Always freshens the sting of that ex of mine being a waste of good breathable air ... too harsh? Maybe ... I'm in a bit of a mood.
It's new years eve tomorrow ... I will be home with R, which is really A-OK with me. It's where I need to be tending to my girl. However ... I know I would rather be out whooping it up after the kids are in bed and enjoying the adulthood that I wish I could enjoy.
Lately I have been thinking ALL too much about what I wish I'd done instead ... I HATE when I get in these moods. As a base line NO I do not wish to take away my kids and change my life BUT if I could go back and I know that I wouldn't know about my life as it is today ... I WOULD do things differently. Anyway ... I wont make a list of what I wish was different ... maybe at another time.
Ending on this note ... as I am trying to get back into ... I am grateful for the roof and walls surrounding us and keeping us from the elements. I am thankful for a loving family and a means to provide for at least what we have, thankful for the parents that help the rest of the way. Thankful for the healthy girls I have and health of self.
Tomorrow is New Years Eve ...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Holiday Festivities and Mom guilt
This past Saturday evening was the ex-husbands family xmas party. Typically it carries a shorter title BUT there's no naming names here in bloggy world right? Anyway ... we had a great time. My oldest is biologically connected to this family, my youngest is not, HOWEVER, they do embrace them both and it's really very heart warming when you step back and examine it all. Especially if you know all of the ugly history of the ex-husband ... not only on my side and in regards to me and my eldest ... but even on the side of his family ... it's crazy business. They really are a great bunch of loving people. There was plenty of yummy snacks and drinks and desserts ... I love pot luck, mostly because I love variety ... this is directly related to the fact that I can not make a decision to save my life sometimes. We did a regular gift giving event for the little children (there were 5 of them) and a Yankee swap for the adults (and older children). All went well, my ex only spoke to me a few times so that was nice too LOL
Sunday we had a birthday party to go to, I took M along as the 'rents went out for a bit. It was fun, the kids played the grown ups dished about our personal lives ... why not ... we're neighbors ... it's all good. I had errands to run, R wanted to stay home, M wanted to come with ... for the most part she was good but every once and a while she would do something. Like the manner in which she asks for things ... she doesn't ask ... she manipulates you into giving her things she wants. Like she will say "I really love {insert food item}" (if you're cooking, or in the grocery store or driving past your local donut shop). She will also say "I wish I could have ... bla bla" and she will get her wish. Now this doesn't fly with me BUT it does with the other two or three people that are her guardians during the day. It's so frustrating ... OH and the other thing is when she sees a hard candy dish or container or cough drop bag she will start coughing and claim to have a sore throat. Now ... okay I know she is only three and as I type this out it's all sounding very cute and WOW what a smart and manipulative lil thing ... but it's awfully hard to deal with when I've explained to her that it's lying if she says something and it's not true. Don't start coughing and telling me your sick when you're not. I try to explain it's lying ... try to explain ... just ask for it and I'll be happy to dish out what ever your heart wants ...with in reason and when warranted ... ugh ... it doesn't stick.. So all that on top of her pinching her sister, lying about her sister taking things from her and not listening to her sister when requesting that M get off her ... it was a minimuly stressful Sunday.
And now of course I'm feeilng bad for how I dealt with it ... maybe it's more so that I feel bad that I had to deal with it ... I didn't do anything rash, nothing drastic. She had a few time outs, had to clean her room a couple times, say sorry to her sister ... what evs ... ugh ... I just feel guilty .... maybe that I'm not around as much as I should in order to steer her in the right direction. Maybe that's what it is ... ah well ... I'm off school for the next three weeks AND one of those weeks I am off from work. R has surgery on the 29th, I am off that week, the first two days of the week we are going to be hitting the Time To Clay place and going out for a daughter/mumma dinner ... I am looking forward to the time off ... hope R takes the surgery well. Hope M takes it easy on her that week.
Sunday we had a birthday party to go to, I took M along as the 'rents went out for a bit. It was fun, the kids played the grown ups dished about our personal lives ... why not ... we're neighbors ... it's all good. I had errands to run, R wanted to stay home, M wanted to come with ... for the most part she was good but every once and a while she would do something. Like the manner in which she asks for things ... she doesn't ask ... she manipulates you into giving her things she wants. Like she will say "I really love {insert food item}" (if you're cooking, or in the grocery store or driving past your local donut shop). She will also say "I wish I could have ... bla bla" and she will get her wish. Now this doesn't fly with me BUT it does with the other two or three people that are her guardians during the day. It's so frustrating ... OH and the other thing is when she sees a hard candy dish or container or cough drop bag she will start coughing and claim to have a sore throat. Now ... okay I know she is only three and as I type this out it's all sounding very cute and WOW what a smart and manipulative lil thing ... but it's awfully hard to deal with when I've explained to her that it's lying if she says something and it's not true. Don't start coughing and telling me your sick when you're not. I try to explain it's lying ... try to explain ... just ask for it and I'll be happy to dish out what ever your heart wants ...with in reason and when warranted ... ugh ... it doesn't stick.. So all that on top of her pinching her sister, lying about her sister taking things from her and not listening to her sister when requesting that M get off her ... it was a minimuly stressful Sunday.
And now of course I'm feeilng bad for how I dealt with it ... maybe it's more so that I feel bad that I had to deal with it ... I didn't do anything rash, nothing drastic. She had a few time outs, had to clean her room a couple times, say sorry to her sister ... what evs ... ugh ... I just feel guilty .... maybe that I'm not around as much as I should in order to steer her in the right direction. Maybe that's what it is ... ah well ... I'm off school for the next three weeks AND one of those weeks I am off from work. R has surgery on the 29th, I am off that week, the first two days of the week we are going to be hitting the Time To Clay place and going out for a daughter/mumma dinner ... I am looking forward to the time off ... hope R takes the surgery well. Hope M takes it easy on her that week.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
A short and maybe false rest
Finals are done! Last night was the final night of Nursing Fundamentals! Commence Happy Dance!!!! I was a bit sad to see that one of my friends from class wasn't there ... I wonder if she chose to hop out of the program ... I only hope she chooses to take the final though ... how awful to waste that money and time to fail the class. I do hope she finds herself in a happier place quite soon!
So it's like ... a FREAKIN WEEK till Christmas and we are all very excited. By we I mean myself and R and M. The BF is not a fan of xmas .... for his own reasons and they are valid of course. So the girls and I will enjoy our holiday to the fullest and probably end up making him quietly peeved in the mean time. Tonight we're going to be making a gingerbread house ... YES it's a kit ... BUT it is my first time with a Gingerbread House. If I like it ... next year I may try making my own from scratch. Oh and we must finish a school project for R, a story of what we celebrate this time of year and how we do it up! After all that I still have some xmas shopping to do, wrapping the gifts and enjoying the smell baking cookies and no bake fudge.
So it's like ... a FREAKIN WEEK till Christmas and we are all very excited. By we I mean myself and R and M. The BF is not a fan of xmas .... for his own reasons and they are valid of course. So the girls and I will enjoy our holiday to the fullest and probably end up making him quietly peeved in the mean time. Tonight we're going to be making a gingerbread house ... YES it's a kit ... BUT it is my first time with a Gingerbread House. If I like it ... next year I may try making my own from scratch. Oh and we must finish a school project for R, a story of what we celebrate this time of year and how we do it up! After all that I still have some xmas shopping to do, wrapping the gifts and enjoying the smell baking cookies and no bake fudge.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Why ...
Why don't I post more often ... seriously ... you think I would with the amount of time I spend at the computer. Ah well ... so here I am either way ... just two days away from finals for this semester.
How do I feel I will do on my test?
My best.
That is all I can do. If I haven't done the reading then it's on me right ... which yeah there is a ton of material I've not read ... so many pages and not enough days in which to read it all. Enough of school though ... I will have plenty enough time to rehash all the coulda shoulda wouldas during break!
The kids are great ... M got her ears pierced yesterday and she was great, a brave three year old sitting atop that super duper high tippy chair they have your potentially trembling child set in holding a bear ... that bear had probably been the sponge of many a fearful tear shed. My M, didn't cry. She did great staying still, staring right at my nose (I was flaring nostrils to distract) and then the two girls working at that lil store worked in unison to be quick and sweet. M winced, flinched and asked "are they done?". She did great ... no tears and even asked for a second pop ... I declined.
I took them to Rain Forest Cafe for lunch. What a great time we all had at the mall. We'd gone to the Burlington Mall, we were in Mass already and the place I'd planned on heading to initially didn't work out. Dos was with us, oh him ... yes ... he'll be featured on a separate paragraph. So yeah we all went to lunch and trolled around the mall a bit ... was good times, the decorations were great, we spied on Santa from the top floor too.
I had taken my girls to see the Nashua Santa earlier that week, the line was short, the Santa was happy ... I was thankful AND there was two other student RNs in the line in front and behind me. Weird right! one was getting her masters and the other was getting her AS.
So ... yeah Dos ... he had been drink free for over two months ... though apparently he partook in a beer over the weekend and also apparently the beer wasn't satisfying ... so ... yeah ... why do it?! Meh ... what evs ... not my thing ... anyway I guess I expressed my concern that he was an alcoholic and the fact was confirmed and he's made many changes, of which I appreciate. This one beer doesn't concern me, we shall see what comes of it though. He has been MUCH more attentive to his ADLs. There are even beds now in his place for our kids to sleep :) He's such a forest rough neck (I guess I don't like using the term redneck ... only because we're not from the south). We just need to find a couple more box springs and a mattress or two.
Anyway, I really could ramble on about him ... and how fabulous he is ... I really did start having my doubts because of all that was happening but my gosh ... what a fabulous man he is and WOW how he amazes me when he is on his game.
How do I feel I will do on my test?
My best.
That is all I can do. If I haven't done the reading then it's on me right ... which yeah there is a ton of material I've not read ... so many pages and not enough days in which to read it all. Enough of school though ... I will have plenty enough time to rehash all the coulda shoulda wouldas during break!
The kids are great ... M got her ears pierced yesterday and she was great, a brave three year old sitting atop that super duper high tippy chair they have your potentially trembling child set in holding a bear ... that bear had probably been the sponge of many a fearful tear shed. My M, didn't cry. She did great staying still, staring right at my nose (I was flaring nostrils to distract) and then the two girls working at that lil store worked in unison to be quick and sweet. M winced, flinched and asked "are they done?". She did great ... no tears and even asked for a second pop ... I declined.
I took them to Rain Forest Cafe for lunch. What a great time we all had at the mall. We'd gone to the Burlington Mall, we were in Mass already and the place I'd planned on heading to initially didn't work out. Dos was with us, oh him ... yes ... he'll be featured on a separate paragraph. So yeah we all went to lunch and trolled around the mall a bit ... was good times, the decorations were great, we spied on Santa from the top floor too.
I had taken my girls to see the Nashua Santa earlier that week, the line was short, the Santa was happy ... I was thankful AND there was two other student RNs in the line in front and behind me. Weird right! one was getting her masters and the other was getting her AS.
So ... yeah Dos ... he had been drink free for over two months ... though apparently he partook in a beer over the weekend and also apparently the beer wasn't satisfying ... so ... yeah ... why do it?! Meh ... what evs ... not my thing ... anyway I guess I expressed my concern that he was an alcoholic and the fact was confirmed and he's made many changes, of which I appreciate. This one beer doesn't concern me, we shall see what comes of it though. He has been MUCH more attentive to his ADLs. There are even beds now in his place for our kids to sleep :) He's such a forest rough neck (I guess I don't like using the term redneck ... only because we're not from the south). We just need to find a couple more box springs and a mattress or two.
Anyway, I really could ramble on about him ... and how fabulous he is ... I really did start having my doubts because of all that was happening but my gosh ... what a fabulous man he is and WOW how he amazes me when he is on his game.
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