I'm not even sure if I SHOULD really be posting today. I am in such a funk it's not even funny. I was 'alright' when I got to work, then the people started calling ... they were mean, demanding, using foul language ... yuck! Seriously people, it's Friday okay ... I'm sorry your orders aren't right, I'm sorry your pricing is all over the place, I'm sorry someone misdialed you out in California at 6:30 AM your time ... It wasn't me ... okay sheesh!
My Funk: I'm not even sure I can put into words exactly what it is that's frustrating me right now, I mean prior to the jerks on the phone today. R is having a hard time and I can't put my finger on what it is. She's going to the nurses office ALL the time, she's falling down a lot, she's all tired and crabby at a really early hour at night and having a hard time getting through homework. She'd been to the nurses 4 times yesterday and 3 today. I had a long talk with the school nurse and she will be talking with the guidance counselor and I also emailed her teacher for a potential meeting or just what to do, I don't want her falling behind in studies and I don't want a serious issue to be over looked. Oh there's all kinds of things rolling around in my head on this topic.
My Funk: I'm not happy with me ... I know only I can change this, and I am slowly making changes, taking steps to get back to where I want to be personally. It's tough living with my parents. I have a hard time saying NO to the junk food and they have a hard time NOT bringing it into their home. So frustrating, grrrrr! And then yes, starting next week I'll be hitting the gym again, my phys. therapist says that I can get on the bike and do strength training of course. I have to be careful not to tear the facia any further than I have in my feet. I did the math last night. If I were to steadily lose 1 to 2 lbs a week, for 52 weeks that would put me RIGHT on target ... can I do it ... well I'll be pushing for as much as I can I suppose.
My Funk: I am not happy with my relationship (with my man). He is a great person, he has TONS of WONDERFUL qualities. He is a dedicated father and hard worker. He is so patient and kind and giving of what he has. He also has issues that I'm not sure I want to deal with. He has a certifiable ex-wife and she has custody of his kids the majority of the time. She is bringing drama into my life and I resolved with my last relationship that I will not have any of that business. His children really are lovely most of the time but there is major competition and his children have a habit of hurting my daughters feelings. I will not stand for it. I don't know what to do or how to handle it. Should I break it off completely with no chance of fixing? Should I take a break? Meh! I've taken a break before ... it wasn't like a break at all. He's also an alcoholic. This is the something I don't want to deal with. I think I know my answer, it's just a matter of doing ... I don't want to hurt him. What an awful place to be. I have a wonderful man with a great deal of issues and I know that I don't want them. I feel selfish and sort of bad for feeling this way. I've always been a giver, a fixer and someone who believes that you SHOULD stay with the one you love even if they have problems. This has allowed me to be greatly damaged. I wont get into it here but good god I was damaged and I do know that I haven't fully healed. Ugh ... moving on ... cuz I am NOT fixing this one here ...
My Funk: Yeah ... I guess that's about it - R and my man and yeah ... those are my negative focus points right now ... I do feel better writing though.
Thanks for those who read/listen.
Oh side note, while I've been here writing this one of the salesmen in my company came over and told me that it was his customer that called in and screamed at me because someone called and woke her. It was he that called and woke her, some credit card issue on a license renewal. I am thankful that he had the marbles to come over and tell me. It lightened my mood a bit too.
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